Category Archives: pain

The world saw it better

***for every person who pushed her limits to love someone who never deserved her love***

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I realise now that
The world knew it better
When it told me
Not to fall in love with you.
But may be what it didn’t know
Was that
I had already fallen for you…

May be,
The world saw it better
How you used to
Leave me crying every night
And out, in the biting cold
Stretching me in and out
As if from a black hole…

The world heard it better
The curses and sarcasms that
You used to shoot at me
My cries and pleadings
Which never sufficed to
Melt your tough heart
But what it didn’t hear were
My silent cries
In dark rooms of my heart;
The louder wailings
In deepest corners of my mind.

The world understood it better
The pain I used to be in
After each one of your beatings.
How the sadist part of you
Used to love whipping and ripping.
But what it never understood was
My mental pain was much greater.
And why and how I used to bear it all
All in the name of love.

The world saw it better
Yes, it surely did
The wounds that you left me
After each fight we had.
But what it didn’t see was
The greater war I used to fight
Everyday inside my heart.
No, it wasn’t the world that saw it better
It was me who was blind…

Photo by Freepik

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The Story of a Queen

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“Shoot or he shoots you!” yelled the betrayer
Holding a gun to her lover’s head.
Fear of loosing sent shivers down her spine
She had to shoot her Love of life dead.
She looked in front, and there he stood
Smiling at their fate in deep contemplation
To kill that person, oh how she could!
Fond memories only aroused intense provocation.
She looked down the cliff and saw her people
An empire cursed to live on the air she exhaled
To their church, she was the steeple
“Oh I can’t be dead!” she helplessly bewailed.
Looked up and saw the angel smiling
Eyes twinkling as if showering blessings.
“What should I do!” Cried the queen
Hot tears running down her cheeks, cold from wind
“You know what to do” said the voice serene
Destiny had got her priorities twinned.
“Make it fast” shouted the villian again
She could but see through his nasty game.
Love’s death through her, would give him eternal peace,
While her death would lead the empire to cease.
Down the horizon the sun bid farewell
Love had to kill her before she would
Turn into a monster and roam the hell.
But kill his lady love? Oh how he could!
“Please kill me!” shouted Love
“For your people, for the love of God!”
“Do it…” said the Angel above
“Your empire would be a peace abode”
“Bang!” her gun shot Love down
“Glory!!” down the people hailed
Love’s blood stained her royal gown
“Agonies apart, her duty prevailed”.
Her people kept celebrating her victory
While her tears dried and heart crashed
For them she was a Queen of eternity
Yet inside she had herself killed!

Vicious circle creates a diamond

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A lonely body carrying a heart
Crippled from past ventures
Afraid of attachments and adventures
Scared to fall in love again…

Can she risk it to another pair of hands
So weak, so bleak and so foolhardy
To carry her heart, broken by millions?
Wary of the world again…

Despite the pains and promises to herself
Her meek heart won over her mind
And managed to convince her let it go
To give it another chance again…

Her heart knows the grief it has to bear
But she had promised not to shed a tear
Now already sees an inferno ahead
Still decides to go with the flow again…

With every cut, deeper will be the scar
But she no cares anymore
For “wise” is she now to know the fact
That sharper the cuts,
Brighter does a diamond shine…
Then what will she be when it all ends?
Or will it really ever end?
Will she be the brightest of all?
So bright, that it’ll blind others like her
And make them follow the path as hers?

Dazzled by love

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When the world sleeps in silent delight

Tasting the sweetness of million dreams

Formed beneath closed eyes

I lay awake, bearing bitter reality

Knowing my dreams for you

Formed in blue vision aren’t rosy.

The lover inside me wishes for you

As the day rises and the night falls

To awake lovers on the earth

Only to see you laugh off your failures

And move on to the fake Eden

That you have created around yourself.

We live in a dark forest of crude reality

Where you are an ostrich to obstacles

And I’m an owl blinded by

The light of your carefree aura.

You refuse to brighten up my world

With this radiance of yours

But I would rather burn myself

In this blaze like a moth.

I dream of a cold day in hell

When something inside me tells

That the day would never come

Never would a magic happen

Or a promising cast be spelled

That would revive the hopes I had,

That would change the way we live

That could transform you to a person

 Whom I can relent on and believe.

 

Lost companionship

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Running along the street
And jumping across the puddles
I used to make it convinient
To travel along with you.
Noisiest roads could hear our laughs clear
Toughest of pains, we could together bear.
We managed to stay good
During days so gloomy,
Boycotted from class, no fear,
We could still be happy.
Things changed as you changed your path
You mind, attitude and everything else.
I kept wondering if you were always like that
Still ready to support you in every step.
However good I tried to be
My sincerity in friendship you couldn’t see
You said cold words with ruthless sarcasm
But to save our friendship was my jasm.
I tried hard to stay patient
And see where it all takes us to
But you weren’t ready to give me a hand
Promises became castles made of sand.
You critisised me with sour satire
You became a person whom i could hardly admire.
Neither you nor I now, enter each other’s domain
Jokes are old, only formal greets remain.
I’m just a lonely traveller now
And you are my lost companion i search for.

What is that I want?

All I want right now is…
Some fun and peace of mind
As nothing is giving me a reason to smile
A beautiful poem or a person so kind.

I want to go up and stay on the hills
And commune with the holy spirits there;
To meditate all day and contemplate the nature
That would whisper into my ears, my heart’s desire.

What is that thing, that can make me happy,
Or give an unbound sense of satisfaction?
I fear that thing is missing from my life
Or is just hidden by my brains useless perceptions?

Something that can calm my restless mind;
Something that can lift up my sleeping soul;
Something that can give me a reason to live;
Something that can show me the path towards my goal.

What I feel is called “the limit of tedium”
I want something that can cure this dangerous boredom!
I’ve tried my best to explore my mind…
But could hardly know what it binds.

My dreams are too shaky to be defined
And ambition also are so precarious…
There is no way out of my blurred vision
My future seems to be a tough mission.

In a few days of unending despair
I realised many things and could find
The reality of life that is a simple fact
“Satisfy your soul to open up your mind!”

I couldn’t tell…

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I couldn’t tell you

The pain of unreached passion

Concealed love and affection

For you that my heart carried.

Couldn’t tell you the truth

Behind my rude words

So much without ruth

And missing emotion.

Couldn’t tell you about

The story behind my bereft eye

And the reasons for my broken ties

With the world outside

For whom, I was a heretic.

I couldn’t tell my beloveds

About my plethora of sorrows

Crushing my heart into pieces

Like the doomsday would do to the world

As if an apocalyptic to my own life.

My tremulous voice couldn’t convince

Against the more eloquent evil

That I was conscripted and tortured

Too impeccable to be called a devil.

Abominable it was, to be disbelieved

By you, whom I loved the most…

Unconditionally, preposterously.

I was a buff, a foolish one

That I waited for you to understand me.

Today the world is burning me to death

I’m still waiting for you to come

As I would do till my last breath

When the deeds would be already done.

Hopes were gone long ago

On the day when the judgement came

Now I move with slow gait as if lame

Towards my atrocious death bed.

Agony lies not getting executed

But to be disbelieved by dear ones

’cause my eyes are now inured

To bloody sights and body to carnal pains.

Wishes are gone, only compunction remains

For I couldn’t tell that I’m not a witch

For I couldn’t tell how much I love you

For I just couldn’t tell…….